Famous Ukrainian psychologist and TV presenter Egor Topolov told us that he passed the TV auditions brilliantly thanks to the barbs of strangers, confessed why he plans a visit to one memorable for him rural school, and also shared the secrets of personal happiness.
– Yegor, you have had to rewrite your life script many times. A laboratory assistant at a pedagogical school, a teacher of English and history in a rural school. Then I moved to Kiev, studied in the USA, practiced psychology, and became a TV presenter. Wasn’t it scary to start over many times?
Scared. Because man is organized in such a way that, whether he wants it or not, everything new frightens him. But there is a second important circumstance: he is interested. Fortunately for me, this always beats fear. The driving force behind most of the changes in my life, which have been, are and will be, is sincere interest, persistence in the fulfillment of desires and, of course, the desire to benefit people.
– How did your parents feel about your son looking for himself?
Always with understanding. I well remembered my father’s words when I talked to him about my future endeavors: “I don’t care whether you are a banker, a teacher, a builder or a janitor – it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that it brings you pleasure. If my child is happy with what he does, I will be only happy and will always support him in any way I can.
– I wonder if after your dismissal you have been to the rural school in the Luhansk region where you worked as a teacher?
Unfortunately, not yet. But I plan to. It is very important and interesting to revisit the stages of your own development, to visit places that have influenced who you have become.
– If a client says to you one day: “I’m 40 (35 or 45 – it doesn’t matter) years old, I don’t know what to be”, what would you advise?
First of all, I would ask him what he is. Because “what to be” is a question of realizing what you are as a person. For example, it is no secret that people who are characterized by a certain vanity, who strive for social dedication, gravitate more than others to teaching, acting, law. Understanding who you are, what your inner demand is – this is what you need to start from. Profession is the circumstance that is most conducive to the realization of personal needs, the sphere in which these circumstances occur most often. A job that maximally activates and reflects what you are as a person is a fertile ground for success.
– Every psychotherapy session is a kind of journey for two people – the patient and the therapist, says Irvin Yalom, the author of famous books on psychology. What in you as a person reveals to the keen professional eye of Egor Topolov?
As a person, I am very sensitive and empathic. When a client cries, I automatically get tears, and I take their feelings almost as my own. Especially lately. This also manifests itself in a strong intuition and sentimentality. I am also very flexible, and during a session I can easily follow a client into the necessary state.
Although in life, admittedly, I am a rather rigid person, a conservative. At the same time, I consciously fight for my client, giving him a chance to realize the potential that I believe he has in him.
– Do you remember the moment when you received an invitation to take part in the casting for the role of an expert on the TV project Let’s Get Married? Did you think for a long time: to go or not to go?
It was a little different. I received an offer in my personal messages to try out for the role of an expert in the “Save Our Family” project. I didn’t think about it for long, but I went to the audition deliberately (smiling. – Author). At that moment I was already confident in myself as a psychologist and sufficiently developed as a person to try to interest the audience.
When I signed up and was waiting for my turn, I heard two girls talking to each other, ironically saying: “Look, you have a lisp, but you also came to the audition”.
This “turned me on”, I passed the audition brilliantly: I brought the necessary emotions to the test subjects and impressed the management. That’s how I got to the project “Save Our Family” and became its host.At the same time STB TV channel was launching the program “Let’s Get Married”.
They tried to reach a new audience, changed the format a bit, invited Ksenia Sobchak and looked for a psychologist who could work with her. Since I am quite good at getting along with very different people, they invited me. As expected, Ksenia and I worked well together.
– You met your wife during the filming of this program. Love at first sight?
It was definitely the initial stage of falling in love at first sight – the “spark” and mutual interest. And it became love much later, in the process of getting to know each other. I have a wonderful wife, a mother of beloved boys, and I am very grateful to television for this meeting.
– Your words: “To keep a relationship alive, you need to put wood on the fire of love”. What do you do to keep the feelings in your marriage burning?
My wife and I really appreciate our “fire” and equally invest in the relationship so that it is always maintained. As for me, I spoil my family from time to time, coming up with various surprises, organizing unexpected trips to concerts, trips and all sorts of pleasantries. At home I prefer to be the best version of myself – to show human qualities as a loving husband and father.
– Why do you give your wife flowers on the 12th of every month? What are her favorites?
Because Marina and I met on the 12th, in August. I enjoy reminding her of this every month and thanking her for having her and the kids in my life. For a long time, my wife’s favorite flowers were white roses. But now she says that her favourite flowers are all the ones I give her.
– You have two young sons, Viktor and Ilya. Which one of them is more interesting to spend time with?
A man enjoys spending time with a child as much as he can be effective in communicating with him. I can be maximally effective with my eldest so far. With Vitya we play soccer, go for walks, talk about important topics, draw, etc. With him I have more opportunities for interaction as a dad. Ilyusha I can buy, toss and catch, that’s where my “usefulness” usually ends (laughs. – Avt.).
– If your wife asks you to look after your youngest, let’s say, for the whole day – won’t you be scared?
Of course I’ll be scared! (smiling. – Author.), the first such emotion arises. But I will definitely keep an eye on them: I will take care of them and entertain them. I love my family and I realize that sometimes for their sake you have to put things on the back burner.
– How far in advance do you schedule your work schedule? How do you spend your weekends?
Now everything is planned for several months in advance.
I only have one day off – Sunday. It is a family day, a day of my personal recovery. I make sure to spend time with my children and wife, and, if possible, leave an hour to be alone with myself.
– One of your most famous TV projects is the program “Odruzhennya naoslip”. I wonder if there are couples who became a family in life?
There are certainly couples like that. The team and I have agreed not to talk about them yet. After one of the seasons we will definitely shoot a separate episode about those couples who really got married and are building a happy family life outside the project.
-Do you keep in touch with the heroes of the episodes?
It happens that after the program is released, the hero turns to me for further help.
Some participants had to be helped to perceive the TV version of the program, because it is one thing to star in the project, and quite another to see yourself on TV.
– Who surprised you the most?
If you remember, last season we had a young couple, Lydia and Ernest. Their story, unfortunately, turned out to be dramatic. I was surprised by the shortsightedness and limited worldview of the hero’s father, as well as by the heroine’s fortitude.
After all, it was not easy to cope with the pain of betrayal of the man she liked. I was sincerely worried about her. Dear female readers, please remember that in another person’s unseoyed behavior sometimes it may not be your fault at all. Always wish yourself the best!
– Why often, as soon as partners start their life together, there is irritation in the frame? Some trifle, a reproach – and the conversation turns to heightened tones….
Because the format of the show itself is very different from the way it usually happens. After all, in real life, when two strangers meet, even if they like each other, they don’t immediately start living together, seeing each other 24 hours a day.
A guy and a girl slowly get closer, get used to each other. And here they are: husband and wife under one roof, everything in common, etc. Of course, this is a strong shock, hence the outbreaks of discontent and conflicts.
– In the USA, you not only studied but also worked. In your opinion, why is it so: if you go to a psychologist in our country, it is assumed that there is something wrong with you, while there, if you go to a psychologist, it means that everything is fine?
Because in our country there was no institute of practical psychology as such. Accordingly, the psychologist did not “fit” into the collective consciousness as a tool to be resorted to in case of mental discomfort. Fortunately, today the views on practical psychology in Ukraine are becoming more and more progressive.
– Why are our people still reluctant to entrust their inner world to professionals, preferring to pour out their souls to their relatives and friends?
Because it is easier and more familiar. Family and friends are your loved ones, they will definitely say something nice, the goal is not to get better, but to get comfort. A psychologist, if he is a real psychologist, will definitely look for the causes of the problem, try to make you more resistant to external stimuli, increase your psychological immunity. And this is labor, serious joint work.
