Dwelling on shortcomings
If it inspires and comforts anyone, the problem of monotonous sex is familiar to almost every couple. Angela Lozyan, a psychologist, trainer in women’s programs and sexual practices, is often visited by women (and very rarely by men) who complain about routine in bed.
– Over the years of a permanent relationship, many things change: bodies, their sensitivity, perception of themselves and each other, mutual claims, resentments, unspoken, although it is not always realized, – explains Angela Lozyan. – All this bouquet can provoke a loss of interest in sex. Partners from enthusiastic lovers turn into lethargic and apathetic people-functions. He brings money and nails shelves, she pays the bills and takes the children to classes. In addition, over the years, the appearance of partners can change, understandably, not for the better. Concentrating on one’s own fatness/saggy breasts/ second chin does not add passion to sex, even if the partner does not notice it.
Strategic action plan
A global, strategic plan for upgrading sex and relationships in general, the psychologist suggests building a 12-step plan of rapprochement. The plan will work if both of you follow it. So, uh,
- Remember how it all began, conjure up the image of your partner from the romantic past. After all, it is essentially the same young man who fell in love with you up to his ears some time ago, only grown up, matured, more experienced.
- Try to reduce the percentage of pragmatics in your relationship in favor of romance: spend the money saved not on new wallpaper in the hallway, but on a weekend trip for two to another city, for example, or go for a couple’s massage – many salons today offer such a service.
- Try to start re-exploring each other’s bodies: closer to forty, new sensitive zones are turned on.
- If all of a sudden you used to have sex for the sake of the goal (orgasm), reconsider it and do it for the process and pleasure.
- Introduce elements of play into the relationship: for example, agree to organize special dates twice a month: once according to your scenario, the other – according to the rules of the partner. Let everyone bring to these meetings what he would like to diversify the relationship, the same toys from the sex shop, for example. Send your partner in the middle of the day a frank message in messenger or plant in the morning in his jacket pocket erotic note – let him accidentally find it at some meeting. Women’s magazines often advise this, but nevertheless, the advice is reasonable if you follow it.
- Create! Creativity develops sexuality in a person, increases attraction, prolongs erection. And vice versa: a happy sexual life gives a powerful impulse for creativity.
- Praise, touch, caress your body, rub creams and oils into it, trust it to the professional hands of a masseur.
- Do “it” regularly. The more often you have sex, the more interest in it grows.
- Watch pornographic movies together and discuss them; this is a great way to increase erection and erotic tone.
- Buy beautiful home clothes instead of a worn-out bathrobe – this also works. When you pass by, casually touch the new clothes, but most importantly, touch each other.
- Show more interest in your partner, because, by and large, each of us sits in a “box” of his consciousness, in which he may be as cold and lonely as you are. Talk more – about sex and more. And laugh together more often. Tell us, for example, about the most ridiculous studies of “British scientists” on the subject of sex. For example, dog owners make love more often than cat owners (“dog owners” do it three times a week, and “cat owners” – twice). Apparently, the activity of dogs somehow turns their owners on, while the looseness of cats relaxes them.
- Kiss more often. Not only during sex, but also just when meeting and saying goodbye. In both men and women, the level of the stress hormone cortisol decreases and the amount of oxytocin, the hormone of affection and embrace, increases at the moment of lip fusion.
Accessories Overview
A new robe and a kiss goodbye – of course, it’s great, but for a complete upgrade of the intimate side of things without the assortment of good old sex shop can not do without. Here are the accessories that Angela Lozyan advises to pay attention to.
A good choice is a penis attachment. The simplest one is a latex cover for the “manhood”, which looks like a tight condom with a slit for the head. “Intimate suits” are equipped with all sorts of balls and “whiskers” that enhance sexual sensations. The most expensive ones – gel ones – have a built-in microvibrator that moves during friction. One of the varieties of attachments is a ring of elastic gel for the penis. In addition to acquiring a festive look, the organ quickly increases in size, becomes extremely elastic and will be insured from a speedy orgasm. Producers of “sexual camouflage” promise the most interesting sensations for both partners.
About intimate beads for the partner everyone has read and knows, but purely theoretically. It is time to try them out in practice. The sexy beads consist of two balls connected by a strong thread. Inside them many small beads roll, vibrate and thus excite a woman. By inserting this intimate jewelry into her vagina, a woman trains her vaginal muscles, enhancing her own sensuality, and gets additional pleasure.
It is also worth stocking up on arousing lingerie for non-boring sex. The most popular pattern, according to the observations of sellers of sex shops, is considered to be net. Black and red (the leading colors of sexy lingerie) combidresses with locks, fluff, ties; stockings and panties for full combat readiness (with a cut in the genital area); edible bikinis based on gelatin are perfect for all occasions.
Erotic perfumes with pheromones are also quite consistent with the objectives. As well as special creams of instant action, causing a rush of blood to the genitals and a good erection.
Laughing together An excellent aphrodisiac is a funny erotic gift. For example, a whistle in the shape of a penis, a set of ice molds in the form of nude female figures or a keychain phallus with thick vegetation. By the way, underwear with a twist in sex shops offer not only women, but also men. Swim trunks in the form of a deer, elk, elephant, parrot in front have a convenient niche for the penis in the form of beak, trunk or jaws of animals. Boring and routine evening in such swim trunks for their owner will definitely not be.
As a rule, their active ingredient is red pepper extract. Other prolonger creams contain the anesthetic substance lidocaine, which reduces the sensitivity of the penis and prolongs intimacy. In the sexual medicine cabinet of sex shops there are also special drops that increase libido, based on phytoextracts of muir puama, kola, yohimbe. Some of them should be taken a few days before an intimate meeting, others – an hour before it.
You don’t want that!
Finally, here are a few idiotic phrases that will nullify all efforts in the field of bed upgrade. They were identified by the inquisitive Men’s health, having recently conducted a survey among readers. Here are the top three. Memorize them and never say them out loud.
- “You know, I think I’d rather read.” Everyone has the right to be tired, but it is forbidden to react so sluggishly to the invitation to sex. Cheer up (at least formally) and say something like, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m collapsing from fatigue tonight.”
- “And you think that’s supposed to make me feel good?” A better question is, “What do you want me to do/do or never do/do?” Your partner will tell you and will likely ask the same thing in response.
- “Have you had/taken an STI test long ago?” No matter how gently you ask this, what anyone hears is literally the following: “I think you’re sick about something.” Make it your initiative: I want to get checked out just in case for the sake of both of us. And offer to go to the clinic together – it’s safer that way.
